It's true though. I guess I've been having too much fun hanging out with the family. I get home from work and one minute the dog is in my face, then the cat is jumping on my lap and the baby is hungry or cranky. Even with Joe doing all the housework I still don't have spare time!
The past two weeks have been pretty weird. You know that old cliche about how some people stay the exact same as they were in high school? I've been feeling that lately, except it's not high school friends or even college friends. There was this time in between college and moving to Guam when I was dating someone who ran with a "bad crowd" as they say. Not bad... but not really the most responsible. Not to say we all weren't irresponsible! I was having a good time and enjoying being young, that's for sure, but apparently nothing has really improved for many of them.
One of these friends has been in contact with me lately. She has been in a lot of trouble and I had to tell her she couldn't stay with me even though she has nowhere else to go and will probably end up on the street.
Isn't it weird how you look back and realize how much life has changed in only 10 years? Back then I would have let her stay with me, no problem. I would never let a friend sleep on the street. Of course at that point in my life things never seemed to go very smoothly. It makes me feel like I'm stuck up to say that I just can't deal with that lifestyle anymore. There is a certain vibe that I can't have in my house. Not with a baby around... and saying that makes me feel even more stuck up.
I know she is fighting monsters I know nothing about. I guess I'm trying to find a way to feel okay about not taking in my friend. I feel like I'm leaving her out on the street when I'm in a position to help her. It reminds me of when I was living in the city and my room mate was throwing a party. There was this guy who lived in our allyway and usually passed out against a fire hydrant with only the clothes on his back and a bottle of Jack Daniels. One of the people at the party found it absolutely horrible that we weren't helping him out. She ran down and brought him a blanket. I believe he yelled obscenities at her and then the next day the blanket was gone and he was still there with his Jack. This is what I feel like will happen. I will go out on a limb and help my friend, but she will almost inevitably end up right back where she started because she is not able or willing to address the problem. If it were only a blanket I were giving away it wouldn't be a big deal. I know that my family would probably end up feeling taken advantage of. My ultimate fear is that I would end up driving her to a psychiatric ward and leaving her there.
The problem with blogging is that it's generally for people who have finished thoughts. You know, conclusions. I don't have finished thoughts as much as I have perpetual questions. So I guess I'll leave it at that...
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